Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
