When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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