He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
