i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
