just tell him i said nine months
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
