so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The air was thick with penises
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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