he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
