Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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