If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize