Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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