Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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