I'm lost and stupid without you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
