Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
