Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
