well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
