He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
