This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
