The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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