I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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