ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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