You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
