if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize