All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm like, not good at living.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
