My hand turned me down
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize