Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
