He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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