I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
