Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
