Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
