ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
