guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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