Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
