okay pat passed out under dana's car
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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