Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize