So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
