If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
