I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
