between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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