She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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