Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
