Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
