Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize