he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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