If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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