When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
