your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
