wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
