You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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