It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
