walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
