would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
