you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize