I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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