Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize