My room smells like vodka and shame
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
