quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
