he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize