I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
