i already hear my dad disowning me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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