Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can text with my tongue
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
