He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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