so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So. Much. Porn.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
