K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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