I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
