I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i dont even know how to be here
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
