Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
