found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize