I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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