Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize