You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Bring me that man meat
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
