I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
